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| Forums: April 2011 Kickstart Forum: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice | |||
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JenB
 Location: Raleigh Posts: 25 |
Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 12:09 PM I've been vegetarian for 5 years and went vegan 1 1/2 ago but slowly slipped back into eating cheese and eggs. Now I'm doing the kickstart because I want to make a healthy lifestyle change (gained weight eating cheese and such too) and I don't want to contribute to animal exploitation and abuse. Here's the problem: As vegetarian, there are more food choices and people are understanding and accepting of vegetarians. But mention VEGAN and people get almost hostile about it. So now that I'm recommitting to veganism, how do I deal with feeling "outside the norm" of society (I'm 42, married w/ two kids)? Also, last time I slipped into allowing myself small amounts of food items with dairy and egg---which leads to a slippery slope. Part of that is b/c I didn't want to appear to be a pain-in-the-arse when other people invited me to dinner, etc. In other words: how to I stay strong and be a proud vegan when the rest of the world thinks we're weird? Thanks! Be prepared... |
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cch22
 Location: New York State Posts: 1000 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 12:25 PM oh golly. First off let's not assume the REST of the world thinks we are weird. That's an awful lot of people. Yes you are outside the norm, but the "in vegan" crowd is growing. Look at the resturants springing up. Plus i think more people would be vegan if they understood what it was, how to do it and that they would find good food to eat. Let's have a reality check. Go sit at a vegan resturant at lunch time. See how many people come and go. I was amazed, you might be too. I never knew there were so many people young and old who were eating this way! Stay strong.. humm.. well i am lucky, people around me just say it's not for them. One way to shut them up is to talk non-stop about it. Then when you change the subject they are so happy you did they won't bring it up again. When you go out to eat with friends, you don't have to explain you are vegan. Just order what you want. Don't make it an issue. If they tease, just say umm umm good. I ordered what i wanted, isn't that what you did? Gosh I know lots of women who order a salad that are not vegan. It wouldn't be out of the ordinary. If they offer dessert say no thanks i had cake for lunch, that was enough. Whatever.. just blow it off and don't make an issue of it. i dunnno. like i said, i'm lucky people don't give me a hard time. they wait cautiously by to see if it works or i fail. I think in some ways they would like to say "told you so" But instead, i have inspired some to try vegan meals and even do one or more a week. |
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| soon2BVeg
Joined: 08/24/10 Posts: 225 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 12:29 PM I know; I had to endure a lot of garbage from my sisters on Facebook just a few days ago about what I eat. The one consolation I have is that they are extremely unhealthy and one of them is getting to be quite overweight. I try to "talk it up" as much as I can get away with because I am hoping they will catch on; but I am beginning to feel it is futile, so I guess I will just shut up now and do my own thing. Don't make a New Year's Resolution...make a Decision! |
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| JenB
Location: Raleigh Posts: 25 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 12:32 PM Thanks ladies...and cc, you are so funny and down to earth! I guess I'm worrying about what other people will think of me---the "disease to please" perhaps. Be prepared... |
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gryphonpro
 Location: Cape Breton, NS, Canada Posts: 239 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 12:42 PM Ohhh that is a difficult one. There are lots of partial solutions, and you probably know them all, so maybe the most helpful thing is just to find other vegans to give you moral support once in a while. I have yet to have to order pizza without the cheese in mixed company, but I am going to do it one day! Sometimes it is better to just say you are vegetarian, and fill in the details when you need to. Vegans are vegetarians after all. Sometimes it helps to always be sure to bring a contribution to dinner, enough to share and to be sure you don't starve. Having a light dinner once in a while will not kill us. Bring a chocolate tofu mousse too, so you get some beans into you I also find it helps if you concentrate on the good parts... oh this baked potato is WONDERFUL, I'm so glad I caught it before the butter, and it goes very nice with the salad. If you really enjoy the company, focus on that, it has helped me. I avoid the subject of veganism at dinners like this. We can't really expect to have a good dinner at the home of non vegetarians, but we can be sure we have something to share, and that we don't go hungry. I hope you make it this time, and that you find vegan friends to support you. madeline yakimchuk
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| SpongeBobFishpants
Joined: 04/03/11 Posts: 86 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 12:59 PM Jen - I'll tell you the answer I gave the last time someone gave me a snarky "Well, why are you doing THAT?!?!" question... I said, "Because I love my family and I want to be with them as long as possible. I value my family and my health more than I value a cheeseburger." It shut her right up and in fact she nodded and said she understood that. |
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| carolward99
Joined: 12/30/10 Location: Bryan, TX Posts: 27 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 1:02 PM I am not 100% vegan all the time. At times (away from home) I try to make my vegan choices but not always possible but I remain 100% vegetarian. I'm not striving for perfection and that has given me the ability to make it work in my life. Where I live there are not vegan restaurants and so I don't eat out often. My children tease me about my eating style but my daughter told me how proud she was that I was "taking care" of myself. |
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| cch22
Location: New York State Posts: 1000 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 1:04 PM You know sometimes the ones that tease you are also the ones that are proud of you. |
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| cch22
Location: New York State Posts: 1000 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 1:04 PM dup |
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| dythia99
Joined: 03/30/11 Posts: 40 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 1:10 PM I have just been telling people I am on a low oil plant based diet... They don't seem to blink twice at that.... I think when the "V" word is brought up people think of the cliche "Tree hugging hippy" and I think people think all we can eat is granola and lettuce. |
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| lovie
Joined: 04/05/11 Posts: 8 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 1:40 PM I started on Wednesday, of this week, and I am enjoying this way of eating. I think my body is enjoying what I am putting into it, and is thanking me for doing that. With that said, I don't care what people think...I let them know that I just started a vegan diet, and what I cannot have. I share with them my daily menu...I've had some stares, but tough! My mother is a breast cancer survivor, and last year she had a triple bypass. So, I do not plan to end up like her, and maybe if I change it now, I can change it for my children and their children after that. So, don't worry too much about what others say or think, you will be the healthy one, and more than likely, the last one standing! Don't make any excuses for what you are eating or for what you are...just proudly tell them that "I am Vegan." |
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| Bugsmom
Joined: 09/13/10 Posts: 2072 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 1:40 PM JenB wrote: I've been vegetarian for 5 years and went vegan 1 1/2 ago but slowly slipped back into eating cheese and eggs. Now I'm doing the kickstart because I want to make a healthy lifestyle change (gained weight eating cheese and such too) and I don't want to contribute to animal exploitation and abuse. Here's the problem: As vegetarian, there are more food choices and people are understanding and accepting of vegetarians. But mention VEGAN and people get almost hostile about it. So now that I'm recommitting to veganism, how do I deal with feeling "outside the norm" of society (I'm 42, married w/ two kids)? Also, last time I slipped into allowing myself small amounts of food items with dairy and egg---which leads to a slippery slope. Part of that is b/c I didn't want to appear to be a pain-in-the-arse when other people invited me to dinner, etc. In other words: how to I stay strong and be a proud vegan when the rest of the world thinks we're weird? Thanks! LOL we've always been weird, scared off more than our share of surveys at the mall (you know those folks LOL). We totally don't fit much of any demographic - I'm 50 and have an almost 13 yr old so I'm older than most of the moms of the other 12-13 yr olds around us (and he's an only so it's not like we had several kids before him). He's never been "schooled" - we homeschool using a life learning paradigm so we don't take a top-down approach and require him to sit down with text books or anything. Hubby is a fulltime at home dad. And so on. Add to that a vegan WoE and we're really "weird" But, we rarely say we're "Vegan" unless we need to use a short-hand to explain things. We generally tell people we prefer plant based eating for health reasons (which is totally true) - it kind of removes the immediate reaction. Some folks will say "is that like vegan?" and we say Yup. It just removes the knee jerk first reaction and causes people to have to think a second. Folks who know us (the ones who would likely invite us for dinner), can see the results over the last few years as we moved to vegetarian and now to vegan eating. They've commented on how well we look, on weight we've lost, etc. And, we always bring/offer to bring something. Granted, it's usually not something within the kickstart guidelines - we might bring a vegan pumpkin streusel cake from the Veganomicon, plenty of oil and sugar in there - but it is vegan and tastes awesome and that, more than anything, sparks conversations. Hubby's vegan chili has been requested on more than one occasion by omnivores. Family gatherings are usually the hardest - non-family members tend to try to be better hosts oftentimes. But, we just bring a dish that is vegan to share - for instance, at Christmas dinner, we brought mac'n'cheese as a 'side dish' to share. Whole grain pasta and 'not cheese' sauce. Totally vegan, totally yummy, and can be used as a main dish (I had that plus some salad and that was my dinner, I think hubby also had some of the veggies but they looked way overcooked for my taste). All this to say that we've never really felt any need to 'fit' the mainstream anyhow, so this is not all that big a deal. We choose this and we'll discuss it with anyone who wants to discuss it in a realistic manner, we'll do so. If they start off with the negative stereotypes and aren't willing to hear anything else, we usually chop it off with something like "we'd rather spend the money on eating this way than spend the money on more prescriptions and doctor visits. we prefer eating this way. excuse me, I need another glass of water..." and that's that. --Deb R |
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vegankitty
 Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 109 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 1:40 PM For some people, it is hard to believe how we can survive without meat! Well I was born and brought up in a family which had never tasted meat. Ofcourse, they had their own share of unhealthy choices like dairy, butter etc. So when I decided to make a transition, it wasn't that bad. Of course, people still look at me in surprise when they learn about my food choices. Rather than boasting about my plant based diet which might make some people unhappy, I always say I am a really vain person. What I eat reflects on my outer self and I prefer to look the way I look right now so that is one thing that drives me to make such food choices. I mean it maybe not the most effective excuse but I can escape through the bunch of never ending questions. It is easy to be mankind, |
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| kiwi
Joined: 01/03/11 Location: New Zealand Posts: 405 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 4:52 PM I understand this thread and the question because I have been on the receiving end as a vegetarian (let alone vegan) and often from family members. I come from an extended family who all eat meat and many who farm for a living - dairy farm, sheep farming, pig farming. So I really am the "odd" one out. They didnt understand the no-meat eating and will never get the no dairy and no eggs part. I have come to realise that some of the pressure I felt I have put on myself and am learning to not let their opinions bother me nor the opinions of friends and strangers. I have made the right choice for myself for a lot of reasons - health and ehtics. There has to be an odd one out in every family so if they think it is me, so be it! By the way - there was a thread in the last kickstart where we discussed the word vegan and tried to come up with a new name. Dythia - I love the "low oil plant based diet' explanation. I may have to borrow and use that. Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food - Hippocrates. |
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| vegankitty
Location: Denver, Colorado Posts: 109 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 4:55 PM I like how Joel Fuhrman puts it- Nutritarian!! It is easy to be mankind, |
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| veganer
Joined: 01/04/11 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 196 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 5:12 PM Hey Theodore, What do you think about Nutritarian? |
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Wild4Stars
 Location: Florida Posts: 832 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 5:24 PM "Based on a Doctor's recommendation I am on a high nutrient, plant based diet." Pick your Doctor - Furhman, Barnard, Ornish, Esselstyn! For some reason if you mention it was a Doctor's idea everyone seems to think it's OK !! Vikki ~ Wild4Stars@gmail.com |
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| kiwi
Joined: 01/03/11 Location: New Zealand Posts: 405 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 6:01 PM Wild4Stars wrote: "Based on a Doctor's recommendation I am on a high nutrient, plant based diet." Thats great as a general explanation. However, if someone else is preparing your food be more specific. For exmaple, to my mother a high nutrient plant based diet would mean a salad and 3 or 4 veggies with cheese sause over the cauliflower. For anyone preparing food (when Im going out for a meal) I have to be specfic about whats not allowed - namely meat, dairy and eggs and then still be careful. I have had non-vegans think its great because they didnt add sliced boiled egg to the top of the salad and didnt make the cheese sauce for the cauli but it didnt occur to them to read labels on packaged products so the dressings or gravy had dairy in it. Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food - Hippocrates. |
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| Shadowheart
Joined: 09/05/10 Posts: 83 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 6:05 PM I've noticed if I say I follow a vegan diet, I get asked a lot of questions, why, what do you eat...But, they are just curious. If I say I follow a plant based diet, they say, oh yeah, I'm trying to eat more vegetables and multigrans... I do think the word Vegan has a bad rap, because some Vegans are over the top, and their way is the only way and that can rub people the wrong way |
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| kiwi
Joined: 01/03/11 Location: New Zealand Posts: 405 |
RE: Dealing with social pressure: Need advice Posted Friday, April 8, 2011 at 11:42 PM Shadowheart wrote: I do think the word Vegan has a bad rap, because some Vegans are over the top, and their way is the only way and that can rub people the wrong way  I agree with Shadowheart about the bad wrap caused by a minority who try to force their beliefs and choices on others. But as I was walking around the supermarket about an hour ago stocking up for weekend cooking I decided that I just need to use the word and not dodge it. The more of us who use the word 'Vegan' to describe our eating choices(this is the most accurate word by definition), the more common place it will become, and the old bad rap will go. I think I am one of the least threatening, most common people you can get. I dont preach to others about what they should eat and dont tie myself to trees for animal rights although I do support it in my own way (such as being a member of PCRM). P.S. I do reserve the right to change my mind once I get old and retire and have the time to tie myself to a tree and get arrested and such. I secretly admire some activists for standing by their beliefs no matter what. There is an abattoir on the outside of town that I have to pass every now and again to get to university. Not only is there always a terrible smell but it feels kind of evil and sad to me. I imagine all of the souls of scarred and tortured animals just lingering to the point that I can almost feel them and want to cry. I have dreams of finding a way to shut the place down so another anumal is never killed there - so maybe I am not that normal after all Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food - Hippocrates. |
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, and everyone loves chocolate mousse.
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