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| Forums: March 2010 Kickstart Forum Archive: Do you get support from you friends, spouse others | |||
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BlondRenee
 Location: California Posts: 97 |
Do you get support from you friends, spouse others Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 2:05 AM My DH is giving me grief about my food choices. He saw me post about being a vegan on Facebook and gave me a rash of crap. I since then fired him as one of my friends. At least I thought I blocked him. Anyway...... I was a vegetarian when he met me and continue to do this food lifestyle. Does anyone here get grief about what they eat? Thanks |
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2meowers
 Location: Sequim, WA Posts: 127 |
RE: Do you get support Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 4:53 AM Well, hubby thought I was nuts when I started! Told me I was developing an OCD. However, he never criticized or made statements about it once he saw that I was commited and not complaining or cheating. Oh, that first time he made bacon was a killer!! Fridge and pantry now have "my" stuff and "his" stuff. Just different food choices. "His" stuff is no longer on my radar. We share salads and veggie stuff, just not meat, dairy, or egg products. No big deal in this house. Guess I'm lucky. "But for the sake of some little mouthful of flesh we deprive a soul of the sun and light, and of that proportion of life and time it had been born into the world to enjoy." Plutarch. |
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| natcristo
Posts: 46 |
RE:SUPPORT Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 7:23 AM ...my mother and father think I will faint and end up anemic ...I keep getting speeches and they look so concerned. My husband supports me but ironically the cleaner I eat and the better I feel the more resentment I feel towards him for not wanting to be healthy and not even trying....So you are definitely not alone. With Easter around the corner there is no telling what my father in law will spew my way because I wont eat the roast beef...but I am proud of my decision Natasha |
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Vegann
 Posts: 35 |
Do you get support from you friends, spouse others Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 8:36 AM I am getting a lot of slack from a lot of people. And I am not sure why. you would think this is an insult to them. You would think I offended them by going vegan. I went to dinner at a friend's house last night. And I told her I was going to bring my own meal because I had gone vegan. While I was there, I was completely interrogated, given dirty looks, and had meat flaunted in my face. She even had the audacity to set a piece of steak in front of me at the table. And then ooh and ahh about how her meat was as soft as butter. BLEEEGGGH! I felt completely and totally abused, and do not plan to put myself in that position ever again. |
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Wild4Stars
 Location: Florida Posts: 832 |
Do you get support from you friends, spouse others Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 8:47 AM My husband is very supportive of my choices, I only wish he were supportive enough to make the SAME choices. His cardiologist wants him on the Ornish plan, he lasted a couple months. He's the first to remind his family about my eating choices when we join them for meals. That hasn't happened since I've gone vegan but they were all very understanding of vegetarian. Other family members aren't so supportive. Before she died my mother was very critical of me being vegetarian, she would totally roll over if she new I was now vegan. She firmly believed that milk was a necessary food and drank a gallon a day to prove it. NO, I'm not exaggerating! Even as a vegetarian I did not drink milk, ever, YUK!! Sometimes it seems people think I'm just trying to be difficult. I have a friend who gives me deep sighs and rolled eyes when I start asking about things in a restaurant. I have another friend who thinks I act like I'm too good to eat what "normal" people eat, even though I never discuss my diet unless asked. She once made the remark to someone else at the table that I was too good to eat sausage with my waffles like the rest of the world. I have inspired one other person to go vegan, she's even toying with going raw. I have some friends that are very supportive and are always letting me know about new foods they've found or something at a restaurant they think I would like. Some people are very supportive, others not. Seems there's no in-between. Vikki ~ Wild4Stars@gmail.com |
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| natcristo
Posts: 46 |
RE: support Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 10:51 AM I agree with you Wild4Stars..either people embrace my new way or look at me like...oh there goes Nat being "different" again...mid life crisis etc... Natasha |
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| natcristo
Posts: 46 |
RE: support Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 10:51 AM I agree with you Wild4Stars..either people embrace my new way or look at me like...oh there goes Nat being "different" again...mid life crisis etc... Natasha |
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| babalonia
Joined: 01/04/10 Posts: 60 |
RE: Do you get support from you friends Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 10:52 AM My husband and family are very supportive, even though they are all carnivores. My husband has talked me into not "cheating" several times. My friends know and just ask a lot of questions, but they haven't given me grief about it. If any of my friends treated me badly because of what I choose to put in my mouth, they're not really my friends after all. It's interesting to me that a lot of people react badly to someone who's a vegan, especially if the vegan doesn't get all preachy about it. Why would a true friend be upset with another friend who's trying to get healthy? Would that same person get upset with a friend if the friend were trying to quit smoking? |
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| Wild4Stars
Location: Florida Posts: 832 |
Do you get support from you friends, spouse others Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 11:01 AM I think the reason people get upset is because they feel that it points up their own lack of ability to control what they eat. All but one of the people in my life that are critical are obese, morbidly obese. My mother weighed well over 300 pounds, had diabetes and her favorite breakfast was Krispy Kreme donuts and milk. I loved her, but I wasn't going to take my food and health advice from her! The friend who rolls her eyes at my menu questions needs to lose about 80 pounds and has medical issues because of her weight. The one that made the comment about eating sausage also weighs well over 300 pounds. I think some people are intimidated by people who have control over their eating habits and diets. Vikki ~ Wild4Stars@gmail.com |
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| essie
Joined: 02/26/10 Posts: 163 |
RE: Do you get support from you friends... Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 11:16 AM Yeah, I find this to be the case too. Some people criticize or are bothered simply because the difference they see in you forces them to acknowledge they aren't caring for themselves, and they become defensive. Because of my own experience, I understand this reaction--many overweight people are addicts. I say that without judgment (having been there), just empathy. There are other reasons though--some people are just jerks. My husband and I are both vegan now, and I was vegetarian when we met, so I didn't have the resistance at home that some of you are experiencing. That's difficult, I know. In that case your spouse or family member may just resent what your change means to them, especially if you're the one who does most of the cooking. Patience is key here--I do my best not to argue with people I can tell are not genuinely interested. But I'm prepared to talk with anyone who asks and seems open or simply curious. I take different approaches with different people--some are more open to health benefits than ethical issues, or vice versa. Some don't care about overall health but want to know what MAGICAL thing we've done to lose so much weight. I've made a lot of progress with my Mom and one of my sisters--and the whole extended family requested a vegan Christmas meal this year and loved it, even the kids! So that's very happy, and a success. Among our friends, several people have started incorporating more vegetarian and vegan meals, and three have gone vegan! (Two men my husband's known his whole life, both pretty much rednecks, which I say affectionately. One of them is married and his wife got on board too.) A few other friends are now trying this Kickstart. Ripples... We never tried to talk any of them into it--I don't think actively trying to convert people works. If someone feels pressured that can flare into a defensive or argumentative situation. Just do your thing... |
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| TexGal
Joined: 02/25/10 Location: Texas Posts: 111 |
RE: Do you get support from you friends, spouse Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 11:30 AM Like Wild4stars, my DH is supportive, but not totally on-board. He still eats meat and dairy, but does not give me any grief about my new way of eating, and even cooks vegan meals for us most of the time. He is overweight, has high BP, and is borderline diabetic, so I hope he will get totally on-board with this eating plan soon. He started out just baffled about what to eat and how to plan meals, but now that I am finding new recipes and planning more creative menus, he is starting to understand that you can eat this way and not be bored to tears with nothing to eat except rice, beans, and salad! I was fortunate to be introduced to this way of eating (I don't like calling it a "diet"!) by some friends, so I know I at least have them as a support network. I haven't told many other people about it yet, but those that I have told have been supportive, if somewhat baffled and confused. "How will you get protein? Where will you get calcium?" I can't blame them for that, as I used to think the same thing after a lifetime of hearing that from the powers that be. I am wondering what will happen when the holidays come around again with family gatherings and lots of traditional foods that we always eat. At least I have some time to prepare for that. I think most of my family will be supportive, even if they think I am crazy! |
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| Wild4Stars
Location: Florida Posts: 832 |
Do you get support from you friends, spouse others Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 11:40 AM The only person I have ever really tried to convert is my husband, and that was only AFTER his cardiologist suggested it first. Right now, about 90% of what he eats is vegan. I use to cook chicken for him once a week, but now that I have discovered Gardein, he eats mostly that. He likes eggs once a week for breakfast, I've switched all the cheese to vegan. So far, so good. Once day I hope to get him to 100%. Baby steps! All others, I ONLY discuss my food choices if asked. And I don't discuss it in a "you should do this" kind of way. Since reading "The China Study" I have a hard time NOT commenting on cheese consumption. When someone tells me they "love" cheese and could "never" give it up, I REALLY want to tell them that the truth is they are addicted to cheese and it would be the very best thing they could do for themselves to give it up. But I don't. Vikki ~ Wild4Stars@gmail.com |
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| Mariberry
Joined: 01/02/10 Posts: 297 |
RE: Do you get support from you friends, spouse ot Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 11:44 AM I'm not sure why people feel so threatened by this lifestyle choice, but like others have said, it may have to do with the dissenters not having the courage to face their own health/weight/food issues. My family are supportive, but I also live alone (save for two dogs and four cats There's so much confusing information "out there" with respect to what's good for us and what isn't. Unfortunately, most people are content to believe what they're told by "government agencies", to follow the "food guide" (all that meat and dairy), to believe those commercials sponsored by the meat and dairy industries (Got milk?) etc. Interestingly, I have found myself watching commercials for hotdogs, fast food restaurants with their mega-burgers, milk commercials for calcium etc., and thinking, "You poor deluded fools. You don't have a clue." I posted my January Kickstart certificate on my bulletin board at work - firstly, because I was proud of the effort (I did succumb to cheese a couple of times), but also to garner discussion with those who came in to my office and saw it. I ALWAYS talk about Dr. Barnard's book and how his research indicates a plant based diet is the way to go with diabetes, so I have that "crutch" I suppose, that makes it easier to "justify" the change (I rarely ate meat prior to January but was a yogurt/cheese addict, which included poutine (a basket of fries smothered in cheese curd and gravy). Now I'm learning more and doing better and when someone gets on my case (Well, look at Linda McCartney! She was vegan and died of breast cancer! Um...yeah,and..?) I simply ask them, "Why do you have such a strong reaction to what I've chosen to do with my health?" Re: the original issue, I think dinner parties can be tricky, especially when hosted by a non-vegan. People can feel intimidated when we bring our own food, so perhaps it would be best to either eat before you go and then just have a bit of what you can have when you get there (i.e. salad/veggies), or tell the host that you understand s/he'll have enough to do preparing for the party so you'd be happy to prepare your own meal (i.e. I'm doing this for you.. It's the company and camaraderie that makes a party enjoyable, not just the food. Anyway, we've got each other for support, including venting as required. All we are saying is "Give Peas a Chance" |
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| essie
Joined: 02/26/10 Posts: 163 |
RE: Do you get support from you friends... Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 12:03 PM Oh, Vikki, I think your situation with your husband is totally different. I was speaking more about other family and friends, etc., not so much replying to that aspect of your post. I agree spouses (and parents) have a responsibility that doesn't necessarily exist in these other kinds of relationships. I wish you very good luck converting him! I'd do the same thing! |
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| natcristo
Posts: 46 |
RE: Do you get support Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 12:04 PM In terms of dinner parties or restaurant parties...I always eat before and then eat the side dishes at someone's house..there is always veggie sides... Natasha |
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| natcristo
Posts: 46 |
RE: Do you get support Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 12:06 PM Mariberry are you from Quebec...A local vegan in my neighborood Natasha |
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| Mariberry
Joined: 01/02/10 Posts: 297 |
RE: Do you get support from you friends, spouse ot Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 12:33 PM Hi Natcristo - No, I'm from the other end - Vancouver,BC My brother (Mr. Steak Tartare) lives in Montreal though. All we are saying is "Give Peas a Chance" |
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craftycat70
 Location: Southern California Posts: 139 |
RE: Do you get support from others Posted Monday, March 8, 2010 at 12:47 PM
We never tried to talk any of them into it--I don't think actively trying to convert people works. If someone feels pressured that can flare into a defensive or argumentative situation. Just do your thing... I agree with you Essie, about "Just do your own thing.........That's what I'm trying to do this time. Not make a big deal about it. If I go to a friend's house, I will bring along something I can eat, without even mentioning my diet. Like the one gal said.....there are usually salads or vegetables that I can eat. If you don't mention it, most of the time others won't even notice what you do or don't have on your plate. And if I should get a bite of something with a little dairy etc.......well I won't die from it and sometimes it's important to be a "gracious guest" as well. At my quilt group last Friday, I brought the "Mock Tuna" made with garbanzo beans and made enough to share in case anyone was game to try it. I just set it out with the rest of the goodies my friend had put out. To my amazement a few tried it and liked it......in fact the one gal wanted me to write down the recipe The biggest test for me will be the next "family" gathering. I've always been the one preparing the meal and they all have their favorites. I may have my DH cook them some meat on the Bar-b-que and I'll make sides that I can have. Not make a big deal. My DH is pretty supportative. He still eats what he wants, especially when he eats out at lunch time. I've decided just to be an "example". He has been pleasantly surprised at how much he's liking a lot of the recipes. In fact he told me the other day that I was batting "90 percent" with the vegan recipes he's eaten. He has also been telling some of his co-workers about what I'm doing and the healthy recipes I've been making etc. Craftycat - Southern, CA |
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Most people do not deviate from the masses
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