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| Forums: March 2010 Kickstart Forum Archive: Slipping up/ dealing with others | |||
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| Gidget1974
Joined: 03/15/10 Posts: 1 |
Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 1:22 AM I have slipped up several times, only with milk and some cheese but I find that difficult. The guilt is horrible. How can i stay on track? I also wonder how to deal with family members and eating at their house when they prepare a meal and I can't eat any of it. people are so quick to roll their eyes when you say "vegan" and say silly things like, "what's left to eat?" I don't really talk about it with people because they look at me like I am crazy. Help! |
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| natcristo
Posts: 46 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 8:22 AM Slipping up can happen.Dont forget that dairy is addictive and we are getting over an addiction that some find harder than others. Just keep in your mind that dairy is cholesterol, mucus and fat...it worked for me! Natasha |
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LaniMuelrath
 Location: California Posts: 557 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 10:16 AM Gidget1974 wrote: I have slipped up several times, only with milk and some cheese but I find that difficult. The guilt is horrible. How can i stay on track? I also wonder how to deal with family members and eating at their house when they prepare a meal and I can't eat any of it. people are so quick to roll their eyes when you say "vegan" and say silly things like, "what's left to eat?" I don't really talk about it with people because they look at me like I am crazy. Help! It sounds like your family has some idea of how you eat. Is it possible you can also volunteer to bring something to the meal to contribute to the festivities, something yummy that everyone can eat and that you can eat, too? And if there is something, anything that you can eat - bread and salad? - just go for that, say it's yummy and that you are perfectly satisfied, and without drawing attention to yourself. The problem stems from people feeling threatened or defensive because of your choices. So keep them low key, focus on the social connection, and share foods that you know will work for everyone, too. As far as the dairy, the best thing is to continue to expand your knowledge to affirm your commitment. Anything about dairy effects and dairy industry will edify! Here's a great video by Dr. McDougall: http://www.vegsource.com/news/2009/12/the-perils-of-dairy-video.html Lani Lani Muelrath, M.A. CGFI, CPBN
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| MsJD2011
Joined: 03/17/10 Posts: 4 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 12:59 PM I am having the same problem. I am currently in law school and commute almost 2 hrs each way. I do well if I goto the gym and stay in WHole Foods everyday. The issue arises when I am in a different city that does not cater to vegan or even vegetarian lifestyle. My biggest problem is cheese. If I dont eat meat then I want cheese or I feels tike I am starving. I did very well the first week or two and lost a lot of weight. I slipped up a few days and now all the weight is back. Not to mention the tremendous amounts of guilt which drive me to eat even more cheesy or sugar filled foods. Ugh. I want to do this to be healthy. I grew up in KY so fresh fruits and veggies have always been at every corner. But this vegan thing is really hard. Does anyone know how to deal with the addiction cravings? What about the guilt? Or even the sudden on set of flu like symptoms and back aches??? |
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| TexGal
Joined: 02/25/10 Location: Texas Posts: 111 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Wednesday, March 17, 2010 at 1:11 PM I think it is really important not to get into this guilt and failure thing! If you eat a little cheese, just move on and try to do better the next day. Feeling guilty and beating yourself up will NOT help you be healthier! I'm not saying that it isn't important, but that having all that negative emotion going on is just going to make it harder to do something positive for yourself. And as far as other people, perhaps you can tell them (in a non-preachy, non-critical voice) that this is something positive that you are doing for yourself and your health, and you will appreciate their support. Then let it drop (unless they ask sincere questions) and move on to eat your salad or whatever. And if there is absolutely nothing vegan on the table, eat a little of the least offensive food and go on to enjoy the conversation or whatever else is going on. That's just my opinion, but I really think that one non-vegan meal for a special occasion is not going to destroy everything, unless it used as an excuse for not changing your eating habits the other 364 days of the year. |
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mollyhorn
 Location: Fort Worth, TX Posts: 582 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 1:07 AM TexGal wrote: I think it is really important not to get into this guilt and failure thing! If you eat a little cheese, just move on and try to do better the next day. Feeling guilty and beating yourself up will NOT help you be healthier! I'm not saying that it isn't important, but that having all that negative emotion going on is just going to make it harder to do something positive for yourself. And as far as other people, perhaps you can tell them (in a non-preachy, non-critical voice) that this is something positive that you are doing for yourself and your health, and you will appreciate their support. Then let it drop (unless they ask sincere questions) and move on to eat your salad or whatever. And if there is absolutely nothing vegan on the table, eat a little of the least offensive food and go on to enjoy the conversation or whatever else is going on. That's just my opinion, but I really think that one non-vegan meal for a special occasion is not going to destroy everything, unless it used as an excuse for not changing your eating habits the other 364 days of the year. I agree completely. If you're letting the guilt eat away at you, then that's putting you further away from success. Look at the slip-ups as learning experiences – now you know what NOT to do next time, what kind of situations are dangerous for you. Have you ever heard the saying "HALT"? Don't let yourself get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, because all of these things contribute to negative behaviors. When a person is trying to get rid of a bad habit or kick an addiction, they have to build a cocoon of protection around themselves, an extra-strong defense shield to guard against all the dangers out there, whether those dangers be tempting foods, prying relatives, or anything else. Just remember why you're doing this – for your health, for the animals, for the planet – this is a gift you are giving to yourself, and every slip or cheat is taking away a little of that gift. I don't say that to increase the guilt, but only to help motivate you to stay on track, and to keep in the positive mindset of why you're doing this in the first place. Keep your chin up! Molly Horn |
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| MsJD2011
Joined: 03/17/10 Posts: 4 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 9:01 AM Thanks for the encouragement. You are all right. Progress not perfection. This is a problem I have in other areas of my life too. Thanks fr the HALT mneumonic. It helps a lot. I am in this for te long hall. I know I am 1000% healthier eating the way I do now than before. Thank goodness for these forums. Thank goodness for people likel you all ho understand hat I doing and appreciate why I am doing it. |
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| TexGal
Joined: 02/25/10 Location: Texas Posts: 111 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 10:52 AM I "slipped up" yesterday too ... someone brought donuts to work and I "just had" to eat one! I knew it wasn't good for me and I didn't even enjoy it that much, but at least it was better than the three I would have eaten before starting this healthier vegan way of eating! There are some left today and I have absolutely no desire to eat one. I think that's what it's all about ... doing our best, learning from our mistakes, and continuing to learn what foods we like and how to deal with those tempting foods or situations that we will always face. Whenever I do have a "bad" day I think I am more motivated to eat even better the next day ... not out of guilt, but because I know I feel so much better when I eat the healthier foods. |
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| kcwriter
Joined: 03/13/10 Posts: 62 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 1:28 PM I dropped my kids off at school and wanted to share that I was going vegan. Something stopped me and the scripture don't throw your pearls before pigs came to me. I heeded the advice and kept my vegan thoughts to myself. Why? Because i am kinda a weak person. If i hear to many negative words against what I'm trying to do, well, I will not appreciate the gift I think I've been given by this program. My friend is on another very strict program and you know what she says? I take the trouble to eat this way because it's easier than going to dialysis 3 times a week. Ha, I think I will use that. So if someone really pins you down about your healthy food choice, just tell them being vegan is easier than open heart surgery. But I say, just keep it to yourself until people see you looking so good and healthy and are begging to know what you are doing. kc |
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| philocrates
Joined: 03/18/10 Posts: 47 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 3:25 PM If it feels any better you aren't the only one who has faced this. You got good advice here so choose what is right for you. Telling them is your choice and your right and you know? You don't have to do it on days you don't feel like it. Really. It's ok. And on days you do that is fine. One of the solutions for eating with others is a simple solution. Bring a huge side dish [a main dish for you but a side for them.] make enough that you will have a meal but they can have some as a side dish. You eat that and if they start to question and you don't feel like it do the old rearranging thing. Tell them you are going to have some after you finish this and then put a little of each dish on your plate. If they question that tell them simply you are getting in shape and trying to avoid rich food [which btw isn't a lie you are trying to get in shape both physically and mentally and you are avoiding rich meat based foods] and you will have some of the 'good stuff' later. Leave a bit of your main dish. Push their food around the plate but eat only your own. They won't notice you are only eating the main and it will look like you ate some of theirs. Yes it is what it is but sometimes you have to pick your battles well. I can't explain to my sister that you don't have to eat meat and you don't have to eat all that fat. She swears it is a MUST to live you eat Cholesterol. I can't convince her otherwise with studies so the best I can do is point her to good veggie dishes and stress limiting the cholesterol and salt. It's a battle I won't win and I hope she sees someone in the medical field who can win it. Next, so you ate something you shouldn't. The world didn't end but you feel lousy for doing it? From the AA standpoint? Don't do it again. Figure out what 'made' you decide to eat it at that moment. HALT is good. Then decide what to do when that situation comes up again. If it is simply it was there? Have a carrot with some great dip and keep them handy so you have a choice. If I have a bag of fresh raspberries, you can forget me craving milk or cheese. I'll be after the raspberries everytime. If I want a drink in AA I'll go do 100 jumping jacks or walk for 20 minutes or pile thru some desk work. In those 20 minutes I'll forget I want a drink but I also am smart enough to get myself my favorite soft drink to drink while I am doing or after that. I also look at why I want a drink and almost 100% of the time it is my reaction to another human so I figure out HOW to deal with taht reaction and that person. Solves that craving. Finally You will NEVER be alone in families/people don't understand. After 51 years I can tell you people like to 'help', critique, be down right but-in-skis [as we said in High School] and frankly again as we said in High School sometimes it is none of their bees wax. I lift weights. I enjoy bodybuilding and I can't tell you how many times you get called a muscle head [those 3 degrees of mine mean nothing], a drug abuser [really vegan/vegetarian/natural body builders don't use drugs.] or get told "Oh you'll hurt yourself" when they see the amount I can ab crunch on a machine. People just do this and today? That's ok. You really don't have to pay attention to them. All you have to do is what is right for you, plug in your ipod and go on about your lifting [or eating vegan] It's all ok and there are plenty of sites on the net who will support your eating choices and great recipes. And I edited to add, and how you know it is ok is because you can plug in your ipod, go on about your business and simply feel a bit of sadness they won't or don't understand and forget it the next moment. That's called inner peace and happiness. As I said you sometimes have to pick your battles and let go of those you can't win or don't have the energy or resources at the moment to win. Like tonight I am having sesame asian chilled asparagus as a side and Quinoa stuffed Med peppers as a main. Works for me and sure tastes good. |
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| essie
Joined: 02/26/10 Posts: 163 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Thursday, March 18, 2010 at 4:18 PM you are all so smart. i hope everyone keeps posting after this week is up. |
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Wild4Stars
 Location: Florida Posts: 832 |
RE: Slipping up/ dealing with others Posted Monday, March 22, 2010 at 4:07 PM I love the line "Being Vegan is easier than open-heart surgery." Cheaper too !!! Vikki ~ Wild4Stars@gmail.com |
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