RE: you dont know what you've got till its gone
Posted Friday, April 22, 2011 at 1:31 PM
Oh wow, Cynthia – great questions! You're really astute.
You're right, eating disorders are, in my opinion, something one never is truly "cured" of. They can always come back, especially in times of stress.
I definitely have always had problems with body image and poor self-esteem, and never really thought I was pretty... but thank you for saying so.
I do have 2 doctors – a medical doc and my therapist – who have told me what my "healthy" weight range is. And I have a weight at which I feel my best. I'm sure anyone can relate to that one! Right now, I'm about 7 pounds over that "feel best" weight. Though still in my healthy range, I'm at the top end of it, and I'd prefer to be closer to the lower end.
My therapist said that most anorexics remain thin throughout their lives, even if their disease is managed – just for that reason – they never really want to gain "too much" weight. For me, I've been both really overweight and really underweight, so I have problems with both, and I tend to have problems with both really overeating and with restricting food. It's a tightrope.
I see a therapist weekly for my eating disorder treatment, and it helps me a lot. I work on "giving it over", like you said, though as someone with control issues – as you can imagine – it is hard to let go. However, I'm a LOT better than I used to be.
Overall, I'm getting much better, and learning how to feed myself and take care of myself over the long run, so that I'll be able to live the rest of my life as a healthy person, rather than always wildly swinging back and forth from one extreme to the other. It's a hard journey, but I am proud of myself for attempting it. (Look at me, being all self-confident! Hahaha. )