Draft Stephen Colbert: Only He Can Lead America Out of Its Health Crisis

Americans are eating their way to an early grave. But if anyone can change that—if anyone can kickstart America’s health—it’s Stephen Colbert.

What Colbert says is cool. So we’re drafting Colbert to lead the charge to better eating habits for every American. We’re fatter than ever. We’ve got diabetes, high blood pressure, cholesterol problems—you name it. But many people resist change because healthy foods just don’t sound cool.

Enough hamburgers and cheeseburgers, already! It’s time for the Colbert-ger. With no cholesterol and no grease, it’s 100 percent American. And we want Stephen Colbert to adopt it as an example to one and all.

Here are the ingredients:

A bun
Meatless burger
Equal parts ketchup and mustard
Real tomato (or relish)
Iceberg lettuce
Chopped, sautéed onions
A sesame seed bun on top

Top it with a small plastic flag, and you’re set! It can even be served with an ice Colbert.

If you’d like to help draft Stephen Colbert as a healthy-eating icon, visit PCRM.org.